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On a Scale of 1 to 5 the Survey Was A Minus 1
This Article First Appeared In Direct Magazine
This month many of you will be attending the DMA’s Database Conference. In my humble opinion this is just about the best conference a database marketer can attend. And, this year I know that there will be a number of sessions on relationship management and consumer research. With that in mind, I’d like to share this actual experience with all of you. What follows is a true story, it really happened as I described it. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
About two weeks ago I needed some information about my IBM Think Pad. I wanted to understand the key differences between a Port Replicater {or is it Replicator} and a full function Docking Station. Naturally, I went on the Web and 10 minutes later I was close to the information I needed, but not close enough. So, I gave up and called the 888 number that IBM had conveniently placed on their Think Pad/Accessories Web page and I got through to a live representative who answered all of my questions in a matter of minutes. My relationship with IBM just got a little stronger.
Jump ahead two weeks. I get a call from Bob. Bob is calling on behalf of IBM.
He asks me if my problem has been solved. I ask him, what problem? I haven’t a clue as to what he’s talking about. So, he reminds me of my call to the 888 number.
It all comes back to me. I thank him for his interest, commend him/IBM on their note taking ability, and assure him that my problem was solved, I got all of the information I needed, etc., etc.
Bob told me he was happy that things worked out well. Then he asked me, on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 meaning very satisfied and 1 meaning not satisfied at all, how satisfied was I! “Bob”, I said, “I just told you I was very satisfied.” “Yes” he replied, “but you didn’t tell me how satisfied you were on a scale of 1 to 5”. Ok, I give up. “Bob on a scale of 1 to 5 I was 5 satisfied.” There was a pause on the other end of the line and I listened to Bob type in my remarks. I waited until the typing stopped. (Fortunately, I wasn’t doing anything important while Bob typed, just trying to read one proposal, write another one, answer my e-mail, the usual stuff.)
Bob returned. “On a scale of 1 to 5 how satisfied were you with the communications skills of the person you spoke with?” I didn’t know how to respond. First of all, the person I spoke with was very smart, very knowledgeable and very nice, but had a slight accent and his communications skills (on a scale of 1 to 5, of course) weren’t up to a level 4, but could I trust Bob with this information, and how could I have a level 5 satisfaction, if the person I spoke with was only a 3? I tried to beg off, but Bob insisted and so I lied, and said I was 5 satisfied.
I listened to more typing. I commented to Bob that I liked the sound of his keyboard. It sounded just like one of those keyboards you see/hear in sci-fi movies.
My keyboard never sounds like that. Bob thanked me and I think, from the sound of it, at he also typed in my remarks about the sound of his keyboard.
Then he wanted to know, on a scale of 1 to 5 how satisfied was I with IBM as company, based on this experience. I asked if this experience included this ridiculous phone survey or just my original query to IBM. More Typing.
At this point I start to beg Bob to end the survey. More typing. Eventually Bob understands my level of frustration. Maybe he got the idea when I told him that I write a Column for a direct marketing trade magazine, and that he was supplying me with the material for the next issue, although I think he thought that I was only kidding.
In retrospect, I feel sorry for Bob. He was only doing his job. Make so many calls, ask these questions, key in as much as possible, and don’t make up the answers—even when the customer on the other end pleads with you to stop. And, I guess, if you don’t fill your quota of completed questionnaires, you’re on to your next job. But I don’t feel sorry for the CRM person responsible for making Bob make these calls.
When I originally called the 888 number I was told that the conversation might be taped for quality control purposes. Great. How about listening to the tape. When I thanked the person for all of his help, you could infer that I was 5 satisfied ( on a scale of 1 to 5, of course). And, if you’re not sure if your representatives communicate clearly, try talking to them and see if you can understand them. If you can’t, it’s I good bet that your customers won’t understand them any better than you do. And, finally the next time I review a telemarketing research script, I’ll think about Bob, and poor harried customer he’ll be drilling for quantifiable answers; maybe I’ll try a scale of 1 to 10!